The Computer… male of female?
Posted by admin on Oct 30, 2007
A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. Things like ‘chalk’ or ‘pencil,’ she described, would have a gender association although in English these words were neutral.
Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked, “What gender is a computer?” The teacher wasn’t certain which it was, and so divided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. One group was comprised of the women in the class, and the other, of men. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendations.
How The Internet Began
Posted by admin on Oct 30, 2007
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.
She said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?” And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, “How, Dear?”
Installing Husband 1.0
Posted by admin on Oct 30, 2007
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance – particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
A Snakey Computer Problem
Posted by admin on Oct 30, 2007
A gal has a problem with her computer so she makes a phone call…..
Hello, technical support. How can I help you?”
The female:
Last night my computer started making a lot of hissing noise at me so I shut it down. This morning when I turned it on, the computer started hissing and cracking, then started smoking and a bad smell, then nothing.
SUPPORT:
I will have a technician come over first thing this morning. Just leave the computer just like it is so they can find the problem and fix it or change it out with another computer. Give me your address and telephone number and the technician will be there just as soon as possible.
When the technician got there, the lady showed the technician where the computer was and told what happened to it. This is what the technician found wrong.
Take a look at the pictures… you won’t believe your eyes!!!
And you thought you had computer problems…
Costello Calls To Buy A Computer From Abbott
Posted by admin on Oct 1, 2007
Comedians of the 1930′s-1950′s, Bud Abbott and Lou Costello did a comedy sketch about baseball called “Who’s on First?” It might have turned out something like this in our day of cell phones and computers: Read the rest of this entry »
New Customer Support
Posted by admin on Oct 1, 2007
Last week my wife and I purchased a new computer. We ran into some difficulties while setting it up so we decided to call the customer support phone number we found in the manual. I picked up the phone and called the number. A man answered the phone and I explained the problem to him. He began rattling off computer jargon. This confused us even more. “Sir”, I said politely, “Can you explain what I should do as if I were a small child”. “Okay”, the computer support guy said, “Son, could you please put your mommy on the phone?”
The Forwarders 12-step Program
Posted by admin on Oct 1, 2007
- will NOT get bad luck, lose my friends, or lose my mailing lists if I DON’T forward an email!
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I will NOT hear any music or see a taco dog, if I do forward and e-mail.
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Bill Gates is NOT going to send me money, Victoria’s Secret doesn’t know anything about a gift certificate they’re supposed to send me.
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Ford will NOT give me a 50% discount even if I forward my e-mail to more than 50 people!
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I will NEVER receive gift certificates, coupons, or freebies from Coca Cola, Cracker Barrel, Old Navy, or anyone else if I send e-mail to 10 people.
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I will NEVER see a pop-up window if I forward an e-mail… NEVER–NEVER!!
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There is NO SUCH THING as an e-mail tracking program, and I am not STUPID enough to think that someone will send me $100 for forwarding an e-mail to 10 or more people!
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There is NO kid with cancer through the Make-a-Wish program in England collecting anything! He did when he was 7 years old. He is now cancer free and 35 years old and DOESN’T WANT ANY MORE POSTCARDS, or GET-WELL CARDS.
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The government does not have a bill in Congress called 901B (or whatever they named it this week) that, if passed, will enable them to charge us 5 cents for every e-mail we send.
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There will be NO cool dancing, singing, waving, colourful flowers, characters, or programs that I will receive immediately after I forward an e-mail. NONE, ZIP, ZERO, NADA!!
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The American Red Cross will NOT donate 50 cents to certain individual dying of some never-heard-of disease for every e-mail address I send this to. The American Red Cross RECEIVES donations.
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And finally, I WILL NOT let others guilt me into sending things by telling me I am not their friend of that I don’t believe in Jesus Christ. If God wants to send me a message, I believe the bushes in my yard will burn before He picks up a PC to pass it on! Now, repeat this to yourself until you have it memorized, and send it along to at least 5 of your friends before the next full moon or you will surely be constipated for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!.
10-T User Error
Posted by admin on Oct 1, 2007
I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Brad, the computer guy, to come over. Brad clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill
for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him, “So, what was wrong?” He replied, “It was an ID ten T user error.” I didn’t want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired: “An ID ten T user error? What’s that … in case I need to fix it again?” Brad grinned. “Write it down,” he said, “and I think you’ll figure it out.” So I wrote out ……. I D 1 0 T.
Emergency Room
Posted by admin on Oct 1, 2007
I’m an emergency room doctor, but I spend most of my time designing and installing computer software for other doctors. One day I was trying to install a modem in a client’s computer, without much success. I was about to give us when a man came in, bleeding from his chin. He explained he had fallen off a ladder while looking for a computer part for a client. Half an hour later, I had sewn five stitches in the computer repairman’s chin, and he had installed my client’s modem.
Technical Advice
Posted by admin on Oct 1, 2007
An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong.
Customer: “I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my home computer.” (Training stresses that we are “not the Software Police,” so I let the little act of piracy slide.)
Tech Support: “Umm-hmm. What happened?”
Customer: “As I put each disk in it turns out they weren’t initialized.”
Tech Support: “Do you remember the message exactly, ma’am?”
Customer: (proudly) “I wrote it down. ‘This is not a Macintosh disk. Would you like to initialize it?’”
Tech Support: “Er, what happened next?”
Customer: “After they were initialized, all the disks appeared to be blank. And now I brought them back to work, and I can’t read them in
the A: drive; the PC wants to format them. And this is our only set of Windows disks for the whole office. Did I do something wrong?”