10-T User Error
Posted by admin on Oct 1, 2007
I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Brad, the computer guy, to come over. Brad clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill
for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him, “So, what was wrong?” He replied, “It was an ID ten T user error.” I didn’t want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired: “An ID ten T user error? What’s that … in case I need to fix it again?” Brad grinned. “Write it down,” he said, “and I think you’ll figure it out.” So I wrote out ……. I D 1 0 T.
Emergency Room
Posted by admin on Oct 1, 2007
I’m an emergency room doctor, but I spend most of my time designing and installing computer software for other doctors. One day I was trying to install a modem in a client’s computer, without much success. I was about to give us when a man came in, bleeding from his chin. He explained he had fallen off a ladder while looking for a computer part for a client. Half an hour later, I had sewn five stitches in the computer repairman’s chin, and he had installed my client’s modem.
Technical Advice
Posted by admin on Oct 1, 2007
An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong.
Customer: “I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my home computer.” (Training stresses that we are “not the Software Police,” so I let the little act of piracy slide.)
Tech Support: “Umm-hmm. What happened?”
Customer: “As I put each disk in it turns out they weren’t initialized.”
Tech Support: “Do you remember the message exactly, ma’am?”
Customer: (proudly) “I wrote it down. ‘This is not a Macintosh disk. Would you like to initialize it?'”
Tech Support: “Er, what happened next?”
Customer: “After they were initialized, all the disks appeared to be blank. And now I brought them back to work, and I can’t read them in
the A: drive; the PC wants to format them. And this is our only set of Windows disks for the whole office. Did I do something wrong?”
Computer Support
Posted by admin on Oct 1, 2007
A computer support specialist at a hospital, I was called back to the office one evening to handle a technical glitch. As I was getting ready to leave the house, my wife asked if I could give her friend a lift home since it was on my way. In the car, we chatted about work, and I told her why I was going back to the office. A sombre expression came over her face. “I’m sorry to hear that your server died”, she said. “Had you know him long?”
Computer Problem Report Form
Posted by admin on Oct 1, 2007
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Describe your problem:_______________________________________
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Now, describe the problem accurately ___________________________
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Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem: ____________________
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Problem Severity A. Minor__ B. Minor__ C. Minor__ D. Trivial__
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Nature of the problem:
A. Locked Up__ B. Frozen__ C. Hung__ D. Strange Smell__ Read the rest of this entry »
Windows 2000 Errors
Posted by admin on Oct 1, 2007
The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows 2000:
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Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
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Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
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Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
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4.Press any key except… no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
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Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test. Read the rest of this entry »
A Neat Trick With Excel 97
Posted by admin on Oct 1, 2007
Believe it or not – A Flight simulator from MS Excel 97
(courtesy:Integra Microsystems, Bangalore, India)
Ever wondered why Microsoft applications seem to become slower and fatter with each new release? Apparently the constant rain in Redmond has driven Bill’s engineers to obsessive flights of fancy. Below you’ll find instructions on how to access a little flight simulator that was inexplicably hidden by precipitation-maddened programmers deep inside Excel 97.
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In Excel 97, open a new blank work sheet.
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Press F5 and type X97:L97 in the “Reference” box, then click OK.
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Now hit your tab key once (you should end up in cell M97).
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press “Ctrl” and “Shift” while clicking once on the “chart wizard” icon
(the one at the top with the blue-yellow-red bar chart).
Welcome aboard ! After a few moments you should be flying. Steer with the mouse, accel and decel with the left and right mouse buttons respectively, and look for the monoliths with the programmer credits.You can exit the screen by pressing Ctrl+Shift+Esc. Enjoy the flight…………..
Now you know why hardware requirements for software keep going up. It’s all the games that the programmers put into them for their own amusement.
The Top 50 Computer Geek T-shirt Slogans
Posted by admin on Oct 1, 2007
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Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
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COFFEE.EXE Missing — Insert Cup and Press Any Key.
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Buy a Pentium 4 1Ghz. so you can reboot faster.
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2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
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Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. Read the rest of this entry »
Windows 98 Source Code Leak
Posted by admin on Oct 1, 2007
Project: Chicago(tm)
Projected release-date: Summer 1998
#include “allwin31.h”
#include “allwin95.h”
#include “somewinnt.h”
#include “allrest.h”
#define INSTALL = “3D HARD” char make_prog_look_big[1600000]; void main()
{
while(!CRASHED)
{
display_copyright_message();
display_bill_rules_message();
do_nothing_loop(); if (first_time_installation)
{
make_50_megabyte_swapfile();
do_nothing_loop();
totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system();
search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_OS/2();
hang_system();
} write_something(anything);
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
do_some_stuff(); if (still_not_crashed)
{
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
basically_run_windows_3.1();
do_nothing_loop();
do_nothing_loop();
}
} if (detect_cache())
{
disable_cache();
} if (fast_cpu())
{
set_wait_states(lots);
set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
set_mouse(action, jumpy);
set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);
} /* printf(“Welcome to Windows 3.11”); */
/* printf(“Welcome to Windows 95”); */
printf(“Welcome to Windows 98”);
if (system_ok())
crash(to_dos_prompt);
else
system_memory = open(“a:\swp0001.swp”, O_CREATE); while(1)
{
sleep(5);
get_user_input();
sleep(5);
act_on_user_input();
sleep(5);
} create_general_protection_fault();
A Computer Nerd’s Joke
Posted by admin on Oct 1, 2007
There are three engineers in a car: an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong. The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere. Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, “Why don’t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it’ll work?”
